Technically, I am still in school, but there’s always wondering somewhere back in my mind about forbidden what ifs.
What if I went to study literature instead? Japanese? Finnish? Music when I was still a kid? Dancing? All of them?
To tell you the truth, I’m greedy, I still want each and every one of these. I like to believe there’s still time, since I’m pretty young with my twenty years of existence.
Other times I wonder if I’m still young enough to achieve any of them at all. I’m aware that if I really want them and work hard to get them, I could reach every one of these goals within the next ten years. Maybe I will. Time will tell.
Then again, there’s always the what ifs for dreams above the sky we call real. These thoughts in my head feel more real compared to the sky. Let’s skip this conversation with myself, I’ll probably rant about it soon in another post.
So, back to what I was trying to say: I’d probably try to learn some kind of magic, alchemy or the trick behind becoming a Time Lord/Lady.
I forbid myself to use the what ifs consciously, for a simple reason. They waste the precious time of the present, on things I cannot bring back, cannot change. Also, I seperated them from achievable dreams.
Other than this, I think I’m completely free to (day)dream about the impossibilities of my life.
Like suddenly waking up and realizing I can play the piano. Eh.
I’d like to finish my short philosophizing with a quote by a brilliant poet and author, Sylvia Plath.
“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited.”